Fall

Jackson had a busy first fall. He is so much fun these days, so busy all the time, always learning and curious! He has grown SO much, too, weighing in at 21 1/2 lbs and 29 1/2" long at his 9 month check up! He is in the 90th percentile for length, already wearing 12 month clothes-though they are too big in the waist. I think he is going to be a tall boy! I just can't believe that he is the same baby as the tiny little guy we had almost 10 months ago! He is trying so hard to crawl and I know it will be any day now before he figures it out. He now has three cute little teeth (that he loves to drive Mommy crazy by grinding).

October was breast cancer awareness month and I was invited by my patient coordinator at the hospital to be a part of an event at a Steelers game. I, along with a few other women, was recognized and applauded while on the field with the players before the game. It was a night I will never forget! Nolan and I had the BEST time! We were LONG overdue for a date-night! This was the first time we left left Jackson with a babysitter (that wasn't family). A friend that Nolan works with, Kayla, was Jackson's first babysitter. She said he was one of the happiest babies she's been around.

We just HAD to get Jackson a little souvenir from the game. He was asleep when we got home that night so I gave it to him first thing in the morning. As you can see, he liked his new little Steelers stuffed monkey!

Also in October, we celebrated Nolan's 29th birthday. I baked a white chocolate cake from scratch, my first attempt at a cake that didn't come from a box. It took me all afternoon and it wasn't the prettiest cake, but it was SO worth it!

For Halloween, we took Jackson to the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium's "Zoo Boo". We dressed him up as a monkey this year, since we have always called him our little monkey. We had such a good time taking him around in his costume. He is still a little young for the zoo, and only really enjoyed the aquarium. He was a little scared of the elephants at first since we were able to get so close to them, but once he got used to them he was fascinated by them. Its so much fun to watch him discover new things. He had a fun day, topped of with a stuffed monkey souvenir (not picutred) and a nap (can't ever nap without his puppy). I can't wait to take him back!

I started a stronger combo of chemo drugs in November, so my aunt Missy flew out to help me for a week. It was so nice to spend time with her, despite not being at my best, and Jackson had a blast playing with her. He loved all the extra attention, and I think Missy had fun with him, too.

I apologize for not staying on top of this blog lately (to the few people who read it). I will try to update it more and hopefully have more interesting things to write about! We just aren't very exciting these days! :)

I'm Back!

Well, as you all know, A LOT has changed in our world since my last post. On July 21st I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What a shocker! Not exactly a part of our 'plan' for right now. I have since had two of eight chemo treatments and was admitted to the hospital shortly after my first treatment due to a high fever (result of a very low blood count). I spent about 5 days there and THANK GOD my mother just happened to be in town to help with Jackson! I don't know what we would've done without her! I am now getting shots of Nulasta after every treatment to keep my blood count up and hopefully keep me out of the hospital.

The first couple weeks after my dagnosis were, by far, the hardest. I couldn't shake all the 'what if' thoughts from my mind. I couldn't help but watch Nolan play with Jackson and picture that as their life without me. They would just go on without me, if I didn't win this war. The thought of not being around to watch my baby grow up is such a horrifying thought. It killed me to think of him never knowing me, or how much I love him. I feel a strong connection to my great-grandmother, whom I've never met. She had ovarian cancer and passed away when she was my age, 28. She left 3 beautiful daughters, the youngest just an infant. Her situation was so hopeless, as they didn't have the treatments they have today. I only feel a small part of the pain she must have felt.

After surviving the first couple weeks, I settled into my new life as a cancer patient and decided to adopt a positive attitude about it. I now see this as a journey that will make me a stronger, better person (it actually already has). I feel like I have a whole new lease on life and an ability to help others in ways I never had before. Maybe all of this did happen to me for a reason. I hope that it is a part of God's plan for me to survive this and never see it return, and to use my experience to help others. I see it as just a 'bump in the road', nothing we can't handle! Don't get me wrong, I do have my days. I have had days that I am so tired, I feel like I can't be a good mother to Jackson. I know I am just in the beginning of this long road and don't know what lies ahead of me. All I can do is take it one day at a time and make the most of my good days with him. These are such precious months of Jackson's life. I don't want to miss out on anything. I don't want him to suffer becuase I am sick. I want to go on like nothing has changed, teaching him, loving him. He deserves it!

Despite my positive attitude, I do still struggle with the chance that I may not have anymore children (biologically) after this. I would say that I have good odds, but there is a chance that the drugs will hurt my fertility. I do know that blood is not what makes a family. I know that there are lots of beautiful babies out there needing to be adopted and I have never been opposed to the idea of adoption. I just loved being pregnant with him (most of the time). I loved the whole experience. The day he was born was so amazing! Nolan and I were already talking about when to have the next one. Never in a million years did I think I would be faced with this at my age. I know that it is all in God's hands, and we will be blessed either way, adoption or biologically, with at least one more child. We will just cross that bridge when we come to it!

So, while there is a lot going on with US, this blog is still about JACKSON! He is doing so well! Since my last post, he has started eating 'solid' food...hates green beans. He is pushing up on his hands and is sleeping in his own room (got a bigger place). He is growing and changing so fast! Its hard to believe that it has been 7 months already!

The day I got out of the hospital, my hair was falling out in chunks, so we decided to go ahead and shave it all off. I had to get a few pics with Jackson now that we are both baldies! Finally, he looks like me for a change!

I was feeling good today, so Jackson and I spent some time at the park. He had a good time swinging!

Can I just say that I have the most amazing husband?! He has been so strong for me through all of this. He is such a wonderful husband and father. He is my rock, is always positive, and keeps me going. He has so much on his plate right now with his time-demanding post-doc, up coming interviews, taking care of me...please keep him in your prayers. I love him so much!