Well, as you all know, A LOT has changed in our world since my last post. On July 21st I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What a shocker! Not exactly a part of our 'plan' for right now. I have since had two of eight chemo treatments and was admitted to the hospital shortly after my first treatment due to a high fever (result of a very low blood count). I spent about 5 days there and THANK GOD my mother just happened to be in town to help with Jackson! I don't know what we would've done without her! I am now getting shots of Nulasta after every treatment to keep my blood count up and hopefully keep me out of the hospital.
The first couple weeks after my dagnosis were, by far, the hardest. I couldn't shake all the 'what if' thoughts from my mind. I couldn't help but watch Nolan play with Jackson and picture that as their life without me. They would just go on without me, if I didn't win this war. The thought of not being around to watch my baby grow up is such a horrifying thought. It killed me to think of him never knowing me, or how much I love him. I feel a strong connection to my great-grandmother, whom I've never met. She had ovarian cancer and passed away when she was my age, 28. She left 3 beautiful daughters, the youngest just an infant. Her situation was so hopeless, as they didn't have the treatments they have today. I only feel a small part of the pain she must have felt.
After surviving the first couple weeks, I settled into my new life as a cancer patient and decided to adopt a positive attitude about it. I now see this as a journey that will make me a stronger, better person (it actually already has). I feel like I have a whole new lease on life and an ability to help others in ways I never had before. Maybe all of this did happen to me for a reason. I hope that it is a part of God's plan for me to survive this and never see it return, and to use my experience to help others. I see it as just a 'bump in the road', nothing we can't handle! Don't get me wrong, I do have my days. I have had days that I am so tired, I feel like I can't be a good mother to Jackson. I know I am just in the beginning of this long road and don't know what lies ahead of me. All I can do is take it one day at a time and make the most of my good days with him. These are such precious months of Jackson's life. I don't want to miss out on anything. I don't want him to suffer becuase I am sick. I want to go on like nothing has changed, teaching him, loving him. He deserves it!
Despite my positive attitude, I do still struggle with the chance that I may not have anymore children (biologically) after this. I would say that I have good odds, but there is a chance that the drugs will hurt my fertility. I do know that blood is not what makes a family. I know that there are lots of beautiful babies out there needing to be adopted and I have never been opposed to the idea of adoption. I just loved being pregnant with him (most of the time). I loved the whole experience. The day he was born was so amazing! Nolan and I were already talking about when to have the next one. Never in a million years did I think I would be faced with this at my age. I know that it is all in God's hands, and we will be blessed either way, adoption or biologically, with at least one more child. We will just cross that bridge when we come to it!
So, while there is a lot going on with US, this blog is still about JACKSON! He is doing so well! Since my last post, he has started eating 'solid' food...hates green beans. He is pushing up on his hands and is sleeping in his own room (got a bigger place). He is growing and changing so fast! Its hard to believe that it has been 7 months already! 
The day I got out of the hospital, my hair was falling out in chunks, so we decided to go ahead and shave it all off. I had to get a few pics with Jackson now that we are both baldies! Finally, he looks like me for a change!
I was feeling good today, so Jackson and I spent some time at the park. He had a good time swinging!
Can I just say that I have the most amazing husband?! He has been so strong for me through all of this. He is such a wonderful husband and father. He is my rock, is always positive, and keeps me going. He has so much on his plate right now with his time-demanding post-doc, up coming interviews, taking care of me...please keep him in your prayers. I love him so much!
